I’ve been thinking and praying a lot about this spiritual walk I’m on.  At the beginning I felt that I needed to fight off the attacks and demons that were continuously coming my way–but I found that got exhausting.

Lately I’ve been realizing that as long as we keep our eyes focused on Him, we’ll stay on the path He’s laid out in front of us, despite how many things come along to try to distract us or keep us off the right path.  Focusing on the wrong things will lead us down the wrong path.

I remember when I was young, I was trying to learn to bowl and I kept getting gutters until someone told me to focus on where I wanted the ball to end up. As soon as I did that, the ball led straight down the middle of the lane.

Stay focused on the right path He’s laid out in front of you and you’ll get led in the right direction.  The gutters or distractions will just fade into the background where they should be.  We’ve already been created to win.

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

I remember reading once how Americans like to cheer on the underdog but once the underdog becomes a success, they then work to tear that person down. I wish that statement weren’t true but it has been true for me.

The first time I started out in business I did have detractors (and you can always find those) but more than that I had an intense drive to succeed and move past the modest upbringing I had grown up in.  I found once I started telling people my plans a lot of them encouraged me and some even took that a step further, and made phone calls on my behalf or referred me to people who might need my services.  Those kind souls were undoubtedly what helped me reach a certain level of achievement I didn’t think I could get to–and couldn’t have if I tried to do it on my own.

I found with cheering from others and the steady stream of projects and checks coming I became more confident and that helped propel me further.  I really was sending myself into the American dream I had always wanted–The big house, the designer clothes and car, and friends to match. It didn’t even seem to matter that I had gone through a divorce and I barely noticed people taking advantage of me–Sometimes only hanging around because they wanted to be a part of this upswing I was quickly shifting into–I was having too much fun to notice, or so I thought.

The kink in this so-called dream life would show up whenever I slowed down a little from the normal busy routine I kept.  I knew there was a spiritual element in my life that was missing and I thought I had found it in learning how to meditate and get spiritual guidance through practices I was learning.  I believed I could make my intentions known to the universe and would be granted those desires if I asked.  And, a lot of the time the practice worked. The problem was that no matter what I received, it wasn’t enough.  I wasn’t filling the hole that was in me so I kept seeking.  I didn’t even know what the hole was, I just knew I wanted more.

More problems came though.  The first one was when I lost a main business account.  It was a hard hit but I could still maintain a pretty good lifestyle with the other projects I had going on so I didn’t worry too much.  I just downgraded from a planned bicycling trip to Switzerland to a road trip to Colorado’s Ouray, America’s Switzerland.

During this time I was still seeking spiritually.  I had connected with others who called themselves spiritual but not religious.  Some of the people I ran into had really wild ideas that I thought were going too far.  One discussion I had with a man who was living “off the grid” in a mountain cabin talked about a “spiritual” conference he went to where they were calling up women on stage to cat call them names I won’t mention here. Let’s just say it was degrading and I had no idea how they could categorize that activity as “spiritual”.  So, then the question I started asking was where do you draw the line?  I seemed to be wavering in what I thought was right and wrong and the other spiritual but not religious people were all over the map in what they thought was OK.  So, were we all just supposed to be fine with our own ideas on how to navigate life and be good with others who didn’t share our ideas?  I saw a lot of bumper stickers promoting this Coexistence.

The questions in me still weren’t answered though.  I didn’t really like that I kept changing my views.  What really were my views, anyway?  They seemed to change with each new class or modality that came through town.  Sometimes on Sunday mornings I would watch Joel Osteen but didn’t go to church. I had given up on what I thought was no life in the church services I had been going to. One day though, I learned Osteen would be in San Diego so I purchased tickets and persuaded my then-boyfriend to go with me.

During that service, I whispered the prayer he asks people to say at the end of his program “Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins, come into my heart, wash me clean.  I make you my Lord and savior.”  I said it with the idea that I’d see if it would work or not.  I didn’t notice anything change after that and it took me another couple of years before I went back into a church service.  I was still practicing meditation and intentions but my life was also still unraveling.

My business, too, was continuing to downward spiral. Clients were cutting advertising budgets. For the first time since college, I started worrying about my finances. Was I going to be able to meet all my financial commitments?  I started to worry and stay home more. I wasn’t as much fun to be around. The constant phone calls from friends were turning into dribbles.

The economy was in distress and so was I. I got a roommate and started working a part-time evening job.  I was exhausted but cut out a lot of the excess in my life and felt that with hard work I could turn things around.   I had stepped into church numerous times by this point and there came a time when I realized all my own efforts weren’t working.  I knew I couldn’t keep managing my life on my own and asked God to take it over.

I became consumed with passion for God and couldn’t stop reading the bible, listening to sermons, singing praise music, and talking to people about my experiences. I hunkered down even more and learned about God’s principles and way of living. All my previous ideas about Christ were so wrong. This was love like I had never experienced before. Why hadn’t anyone ever told me about this?  Why did He have such a bad image?  But being a Christian was a whole new way of living and it was hard.  It still is hard.  By this point, most of my friends were out of the picture and it was me and God and a lot of interaction with people at church.

Unlike the quick upswing I had with the meditation practices and intentions, God’s groundwork has taken time. He works on foundations of things and wants strong roots and healing on all levels.  It takes a lot of patience–one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit–probably one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn.

So as I enter into four years of working on foundational principles and what has appeared to be little outward growth, I now believe that I can start climbing up that mountain of success. It’s a different mountain than I climbed before, but I’ve got a partner this time that won’t let me down, will guide me each step of the way and will never leave me regardless of who is or is not cheering me on.

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

I never thought it would be this hard to grow up, to define my character like He wanted for me all along.

I never thought it would be this rewarding, to experience the joy that He had planned for me all along.

I never thought my life would take such a drastic turn downhill even though He knew about that all along.

I never thought I could truly believe I could climb that impossible-looking mountain that He had mapped out for me all along.

I never thought I’d cry as much even though He planned rivers of flowing water for me all along.

I never thought I could experience the kind of laughter that only comes after you’ve suffered a long time but He laughed with me all along.

I never thought I could be sustained by a love that isn’t seen but He knew how to draw me out all along.

I never thought I could experience all of Him and really see Him with eyes wide open but His plan was to show that to me all along.

I never thought I’d know the kind of hurt that only comes from seeing the whole truth, hidden under a veil of lies but He was determined to reveal it to me all along.

I never thought I could heal and forgive even after the truth was uncovered, but He held my hand all along.

I never knew, but God knew all along.

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

Last night I was watching the Daystar network’s Joni Lamb’s Table Talk with John Paul Jackson. The show was about things that might be keeping you from your destiny.  The discussion made a lot of sense to me and I could relate to having to deal with almost every one of the issues they talked about. I think some of their ideas are worth considering if you’re still trying to make it into your own promised land.

The following are notes from the show and in some cases I’ve added my own solutions.

If you’ve studied the bible you might remember from the old testament the story of how the Israelites were having trouble entering into the promised land.

Based on this story, Jackson said that there are giants standing in the way of the promised land and we need to consider these same things in order to make it into our own destinies. According to him there are three nations that can be conquered on our own without God but that we need to be careful we don’t think it is us alone conquering these nations. Then he said that there are seven nations that can only be conquered with God’s help.

He stated the ones that can be conquered on our own (but should still be conquered with God) include the nations:

1. Kenite-This shows up as false accusations and is designed to make you defensive and focused on your own issues so that you forget about the big picture and not on solutions. You may face constant criticism and get so exhausted defending yourself you’ll make detours. Solution: Allow God to Defend You.
2. Kennizite-Signs of this nation include possessiveness and a facade. You may not walk into what you were created for. You’ll have to prove yourself to people.  Solution:  Walk in Humility.
3. Kadmonite-This nation looks like a religious spirit of tradition with the idea that “old wine is good enough”.  It’s the idea that you’re approved based on your works.  Solution:  Walk in Grace.

The one’s that can’t be conquered unless God is with you are:

1.  Hittite-If you’re experiencing terror or fear, you’re probably dealing with this nation.  Solution: Allow Him to Conquer.
2.  Perizzite-This causes some to “squat” and stay the same or not bother trying.  Solution:  Ask God to Help You Keep Moving Forward.
3.  Rephaim-This will make you want to flee and give up.  Solution:  God Wants Us to Face These Things so That They Will Make us Stronger.
4.  Amorite-You’ll feel an inferiority complex or think people are talking about you.  You might withdraw and worry about what other people are saying. Solution:  Ask God to Help You Face the Issue Head On.
5.  Canaanite-You might become zealous or act prematurely with this nation.  You may step out of God’s timing. Solution: Ask God to Help You Be Patient and Wait For the Right Time.
6.  Girgashite-Dealing with this nation may make you feel like a stranger or out of place. Solution:  Remember Your Identity in Christ.
7.  Jebusite-This nation makes you feel down trodden or depressed and you might carry a victim mentality.  Solution:  (based on Proverbs 12:25)…a kind word cheers it (the heart) up.

For more about John Paul Jackson go to:
 www.streamsministries.com

To learn about Daystar go to:
www.daystar.com

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

Hey you.  Yeah you. The one who’s looking down at your feet.  Look up toward the sky. What do you see?  Are you still listening to those voices that say,

“You’re not enough”

“You’re too old”

“You’re too young”

“You’re not tall enough”

“You’re too tall”

“You’re too skinny”

“You’re too fat”

When are you going to start listening to the voice that says,

“You are exactly the way you are supposed to be right now.”

Yes, you heard me right.

“You’re just the right age”

“You are just the right height”

“You are just the right nationality”

“You are just the right weight”

“You have just the right talent”

“You are more than enough”

“You have all the tools you need”

“You are a winner”

It’s never too late to start looking up to the stars.  You can start right now.  Exactly where you are.

“Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We saw his star as it rose, and we have come to worship him.” Matthew 2:2 NLT

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

It wasn’t much really, just a package of pink checkered sheets mom had brought back from one of her shopping trips.  They would fit just right on my twin bed, bottom bunk, under sister Linda’s top bunk.

“For your favorite color,” mom had whispered as she handed me the package.

Somehow mom had remembered I really liked pink, so that’s what made a big difference out of a small thing.  To other kids, this might be an ordinary household item. It was rare for us to get out-of-the blue presents beyond birthdays and Christmas so this day was special and not just for me.  Sister Linda got yellow checkered sheets for her love of that color and sister Laurie got green for the same reason.  Even though we thought she hadn’t been paying attention, mom had captured a small part of our personality in those sheets.

I opened the package and breathed in the faint smell of plastic, like a new baby doll and knew I would treasure these linens unlike any other ordinary household item.

I unfolded the pillow case and drew in another breath.  This time the aroma was a mixture of cotton and preservatives. The old pillowcase looked dingy and dirty sitting at the head of my bed. I grabbed the pillow, ripped off the old case, and tenderly dressed the pillow in pink.  It was a stamp of my identity in what seemed to be lost among the personalities of my other siblings.  I was pink.  What did that mean exactly?  That mom recognized my love for dolls and dresses even though I often wore jeans and climbed trees?  How was I different from Linda who was yellow like the tennis balls she hit against our garage door? Pink to me meant ballerinas, similar to the one twirling around in a jewelry box grandpa had given me as a Christmas present.  I jumped off the bed and went to the dresser I shared with my siblings. I took the jewelry box that had been sitting on top of the dresser and found a place for it near the pillow.  This would be its new home.

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

Who inspires me?  I’m writing free-flow today like the many times I’ve sat in Brown Bag writing group.  We’re given a prompt and then we just start writing.  It’s a mix of brave and not so brave souls baring hearts and messy lives to paper for some to read out loud and for others just to get it out on the page.  I love these people.  They’re just like me–A little different, a person set apart for the writing life. An effort that’s not always monetarily rewarded but still vital.

During one writing prompt in a memoir class I was teaching I looked around at the students there, hunched over their desks writing their stories.  Then I listened and their chaotic, beautiful lives were revealed one at a time. A scary brain tumor kept one writer on the edge of life.  Another’s husband, just a year prior, killed himself. One writer had been a nun in a former life but had gotten out of it. I listened to their stories and realized the common thread, what all of us writers share, is that we’re survivors.  I think that’s what makes writers so interesting. The stories that come out of the struggles make something beautiful out of what was once so awful. It’s scary and hard to work through trials and not just hide them. Sometimes the only way to walk right through the mess is to write.  So, that’s who inspires me. Writers.  Writers of all types from Shakespeare, to C.S. Lewis, to J.D. Salinger to the beginner writer sitting next to me in Brown Bag writing group, to the founder of Brown Bag, Judy Reeves.

After 20 years hosting Brown Bag at San Diego Writer’s, Ink, Judy Reeves is taking time to write her next book. She’s asked me to sit in her place.  If you’re in the San Diego area, come out and join us on Tuesdays at noon. San Diego Writer’s, Ink

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

This blog is pretty young, having just begun in October 2013.  However, I have big plans for this community of woman–A place where hearts are being transformed one Cinderella at a time.

As part of my plans, I’ve come up with an event idea to bring everyone together in a fun way, where all types of beauty is celebrated.  I figure we can all be like Cinderella and dress up for at least one day out of the year.

I’ve made a quick video of the event idea for a chance to win a scholarship to Marie Forleo’s B-school so that I can learn how to let as many woman who might be touched by this know about the event and this blog. Wish me good luck and hit like (on you tube) if you want to see this come to life.

Blessings.

As a kid, I couldn’t quite understand my mom’s need to wake up at the crack of dawn on Easter to go to the sunrise service or her endless need to be at church until now that I’ve caught the same bug.  I believe my mom is an example of Joy.

Here’s a quick excerpt from my third draft of It’s Not Hard to Be Superficial about my mom’s type of Joy. Character names have been changed.

Mom has a certain glow about her when she comes home from church services.  It’s hard to explain. This Easter morning it’s glowing even brighter than usual. She’s woken up before dawn to go to the Sun Rise Easter Service at Forest Lawn.

 Lilly and I are the first ones to wake up and mom’s already back from the service. She is sitting on the couch with a content smile on her face and tells us to search for our Easter baskets. 

 It feels serene and quiet in our house with everyone else sleeping.  I’m still in my flannel pajamas.  Lilly’s wearing her flannels too.

Every Easter since I can remember mom’s hidden our Easter baskets in the living room.  Lilly and I search under chairs, inside cabinets and behind the couch. I find mine in mom’s hutch, one of my favorite pieces of her furniture.

“Here is is,” I say with glee.  The purple, yellow and green basket has a purple plastic egg with some trail mix inside.  In the fake pink grass are multiple colored jelly beans. A box holds a chocolate bunny.  I put a pink jelly bean in my mouth and jump on the couch. Lilly’s found her basket too and is already on the left side of mom. I sit on her right side.  I feel content sitting next to mom and Lilly. 

“We’re going to have a wonderful Easter,” Mom tells me and Lilly.

We’re planning the same routine we’ve always done every Easter, but somehow this one feels different.  I love going shopping for a new Easter dress.  We bought a yellow cotton dress at JC Penny and white patent sandels from Kmart.  We’ll go to the 9 a.m. church service at First United Methodist. Then we’ll go to lunch afterward at Don’s on Glenoaks Boulevard in Burbank. I usually get the grilled cheese that comes with a side of potato chips.  They put a red or green ruffled toothpick in the middle of the diagonal pieces of the sandwich and the cheese oozes out the sides.

Mom’s fraternal twin sisters, Aunt Grace and Aunt Gloria, and their families will meet us at Forest Lawn to put flowers on mom’s and her sister’s parent’s grave sites.  My older siblings have started grumbling about going to Forest Lawn but I like to go there.  They have a huge pond with ducks and a main house that has pretty furniture in the bathroom.  One day I want a home like that. There are lots of hills and grass on the drive to the grave sites. Mom’s going to make a ham for dinner.

Sitting here in the quiet of the morning, it’s like we’re all lost in our own thoughts.  Somehow it feels like the weight of the last few months has lifted.  I miss grandpa but I don’t feel so upset about it and I finally feel like I have a place at school.  The birds are twirpping outside and a hummingbird flitters on the Bird of Paradise in front of the picture window.  

Larry breaks into the room and stops the silence. Chaos resumes in the household.

“Time to get dressed.”

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.