I’m having a hard day today.

Sometimes it’s tough to stay positive when that happens.  What’s even more difficult is when you’re having continuing bad days.  It can even get to a point where you wonder if things are ever going to change.

What are the ways that pick you up from that?  How do you stay encouraged when your circumstances aren’t that great?

For me it usually starts with small things.  Maybe a butterfly crosses your path and for a moment you appreciate the beauty of the colors in the wings.  Then, someone buys you a cup of coffee.  You say thanks and decide to turn on some uplifting music.  You start feeling a little better so you shoot off an encouraging email to a friend.  Another friend calls you on the phone and tells you a story of something wonderful that happened to them.  You start having a little hope for yourself. After work you take an exercise class and feel energetic so you become creative and try that recipe you’ve been saving for dinner.  Before you realize it, you’ve forgotten what was making you so upset and can say,

“Hey, that was a great day.”

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

Funny thing about being alone, it’s at those times that I feel most un-alone.  Let me explain.  I love talking to God and being in the presence of Him. Most of the time that means I’m by myself and there are no other people around. Of course, I can worship God and be among other believers but my most intense personal, intimate moments with Him have always been when I’m alone with Him, which is why I find it so, frankly, annoying when I’m chided about not always being around other believers. When I’ve taken these people’s advice and I get around the wrong type of person, more often than not, I’m left feeling confused or uncertain about the promises God has given me for my life.

When I’ve tried to speak this truth to what I’ll call the religious-types, often they get uncomfortable and think I’m wanting to be a hermit or something which is not the case at all.  I sometimes wonder if they’re uncertain about their own intimate relationship with God.

Many people describe God as our lover.  If you can think of Him in that context doesn’t it seem silly that we’d have onlookers in the same room with us as we’re sharing our most intimate dreams, desires and hopes?

Don’t you get frustrated when you’re with other people and they just don’t get you?  Even our most dear, intimate friends don’t know everything about us or even get who we are all the time. Sometimes these moments can feel the loneliest.

Maybe you’ve always longed to be married and now you finally are married but your husband just doesn’t understand you.  Or, you have worked all your life to have a bountiful group of friends and now that you have them there are misunderstandings, gossip, disagreements and betrayals. Isn’t it at those times you want to talk to God about your struggles?  Don’t you feel better after talking to Him?  That’s because He gets you–all of you–and He’s the only one who ever will.

All of us go through seasons in our lives where we have an abundance of people surrounding us and other seasons where it’s hard to find even a single friend.  Jesus often spent time alone with God. In Matthew chapter 4 he was sent alone by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tested.  He also often went to the mountain to pray. You can read about that in Luke chapter 6.

Yeah, yeah, I know we need to have the support of other people, and I’m not saying that’s not important or that I don’t like people. In fact, sometimes I like people so much that they use that power to hurt.  My stance for overcoming all this, although unpopular at times, is to spend the most time alone with God.  If we’re supposed to put Him first place in our lives, then to me that means spending the most amount of our time alone being un-alone with Him.

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

You are beautiful.  Do you hear that phrase whispering to you?  It’s underneath all that other stuff you are hearing.

You are beautiful despite the magazine saying you need to weigh 120 pounds and be five foot ten.

You are beautiful when you wake up in the morning, all fresh from sleep and unmasked.

You are beautiful when no one’s looking, and when everyone’s looking.

You are beautiful when the rain poured down and messed up the hairdo you spent 20 minutes this morning creating.

You are beautiful past the age of 30.

You are beautiful even when the years of doubt, rejections or criticisms have taken over that whisper.

You are beautiful all curly-haired even when you wish it were straight.

You are most beautiful when you are exactly as you were made to be.

Can you hear that whisper yet?  Maybe there’s a little bit of hope, that yes you can really believe that you are beautiful?

Coffee For Your Heart is a weekly challenge with Holley Gerth. Click on the heart to the left to find out how you can participate in this challenge too.

This morning I decided to make Chardonnay baked pears with honey from the recipe book Inn Food Seasonal Breakfast in the Wine Country by Gillian Kite. My trip to Napa Valley with a stay at the Craftsman Inn this past summer came back to life when my friend Suzy bought me the recipe book as a Christmas present and we spent an evening making Christmas Scones (one of the best scone recipes I’ve tried and I’ve been searching for years). Our stay included delightful breakfasts direct from the recipe book and Gillian and her staff were lovely hosts. Later during the Christmas season my sister Laurie sent a surprise Harry and David package to me that included six pears, one wrapped in gold foil. So, this morning having three pears left and getting near the end of their life cycle, I thought I’d try out another recipe from the book. The whole house has the sweetest scent in the air after baking the pears for 45 minutes. I can’t wait to enjoy the end result tomorrow for breakfast. I recommend staying at the Inn and enjoying the full experience, but if not at least get the recipe book.

My result doesn’t look exactly like the picture, but hey this is real life.

Holley Gerth in her blog, holleygerth.com, has asked us all to make Wednesday a day for Coffee for Your Heart.  Since I love coffee and focusing on the heart isn’t too shabby of an idea, I’ve taken up the challenge.  She also gives a prompt for your post and any one of my writer friends will tell you how much they enjoy a good prompt.

Today it’s the idea that You Are Loved.  She was even brave enough to post a video sans makeup, before a shower with proclamations that she didn’t have it all together this week.

I think that’s really the basis of being loved.   The true test of friendships or really anything in life is noticing when the going gets tough who is still sticking around?  When we’re at our worst–complaining, smelly, and unkind–who is telling you that they still love you?

Lately, I’ve been so exhausted that my house and car aren’t in the order that I used to like them to be in and I’m starting to be fine with that. Before, I was almost robotically going about my chores as if I would get fined for having a dish in the sink or clothes unlaundered.  My car’s passenger seat still has the Happy New Year hat I wore on New Year’s Eve, a pair of jeans I changed out of before playing volleyball, traces of lavender plants I used to make a friend’s birthday present, and some papers I’d rather not deal with at the moment.  Untidy, yes.  Unlike myself?  Yes, but maybe no.  I’m starting to realize as I become more of who I was created to be as an artist and writer, I’m not really that clean. I love to play around in the kitchen and sample new recipes.  I really hate cleaning up afterward.  My paint brushes often get ruined because I didn’t take the time to properly clean them.

Now, just because I lean this way doesn’t get me out of the chores of life.  It really just gives me a little compassion for myself.  And, surprisingly, I’ve found that there are some people in this world that receive great joy from cleaning a house, or organizing files.

So, that’s what I want to tell you today.

That I know of at least one person (hint it’s not a person that you can actually see) that truly loves you just as you were made to be.  All your quirks, your beauty, your untidiness is exactly what makes you, well you.

So be yourself exactly as you were made to be and notice who is still sticking around.  Those are the people who truly do love you.  And I’ve noticed a curious thing, most of the times it’s not the people you would expect, and it’s a small remnant few.  But, oh how precious they are.

You are loved exactly as you are.

Holley Gerth, in her blog holleygerth.com, has asked bloggers to write encouraging words to people that they like as they start the new year.  So, I’d like to offer you some encouragement as we ascend into 2014.

•First, I already know that you’re a winner because you believe that transformation is possible and you’re committed to making a better life.

•You are for happy endings like Cinderella’s and you believe your life, too, can be a success.

•You’re a dreamer and you take actions to make those dreams into reality.

•You won’t quit, even when the evil stepmother has sent you to the basement to do more chores than you can handle.

•You are truly beautiful.

•You will overcome every challenge, every wrong turn down the road and anything that keeps you from your destiny.

•In the end, you will win.

This Christmas I decided to make collages for some of my friends.  I wanted to capture a sense of who they are with images and words.  Here are a few examples of what I produced.  I will post another story of the process I used for them.

I have been in the school of hard knocks and hope I’ve learned some things I can share with others to help with better decisions than I’ve sometimes made in life regarding relationships.

Here are some questions you might ask yourself in managing your own relationships. To start, remember that every relationship includes two people and you can only manage yourself.  In other words, you can’t control how others respond to you, you can only control what you do.

•How is your health emotionally, financially, spiritually and physically? Are you in a stable position? No one is ever going to be perfect and I don’t think you need to wait for everything to be in place before you engage in relationship but I believe it does mean owning your strengths and weaknesses and not expecting other people to fix all your problems, although you can ask for help if you need it.  The person you’re asking for help gets to choose whether they will or not.  Own your baggage. Don’t blame others for it but also don’t take on baggage that’s not yours. If someone is dropping their baggage off at your door, send it packing  and address it back to them.

•Have you dealt with the stuff that’s in your past?  A lot of times we repeat patterns, or think bad behavior from someone is normal because we don’t know a different way.  Look for unhealthy patterns in your life and find out where they came from. Once the root is discovered, you can turn it around. It may not change overnight, but at least you can start moving in the right direction. Yucky past, poof be gone!

•Do you respect and love others?  How often do you tell your partner, friend, or family member you love them or want to serve them?  Does your partner know how much you care for them?  If most of your communication is negative or disrespectful you’re probably headed toward the end.  Studies have shown it takes five positive comments to cover up one negative one.  Be positive!

•Are the people you’re committed to fully committed to you?  I’ve made the mistake of being there for people who weren’t safe or trustworthy and thus ended up getting taken advantage of.  It’s easy to get off balance in relationships and it may not be equal all the time but there should be a good amount of give and take.  It’s a balancing act.

•Are you both thinking long term?  It’s good to know where you stand in any relationship you’re in. After spending time with someone you can usually gauge how they manage their relationships. Do they have friends or colleagues from their past?  If it’s a significant relationship, have you tried counseling, communicating openly and honestly with each other, religious affiliations, or separating for a time to see the relationship from a different perspective? If it’s a good thing stay for the long haul.

•Are you both able to forgive? Have you given yourself a break?  One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn is to forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made and to not hold a person continually responsible for their mistakes after I’ve told them I’ve forgiven them.  When you’ve been hurt in a big way forgiveness may not happen overnight but you should see a gradual improvement in how you respond to the person who has harmed you. Be forgiving.

The more you can face your problems in the eye and be open and honest, the more you can bring that part of yourself to a relationship. Again, it’s not about perfection but admitting your imperfections and allowing other people to accept your good and bad parts combined.  When that happens you’ll know you have something you can work with.

Christmas in the Village

La Mesa Boulevard in La Mesa, California was transformed into a Victorian Christmas Village this past weekend. There was a parade, Santa and Mrs. Claus, puppet shows, mule rides, outdoor fires, musical acts, rides, games, a live music box dancer and more. The event is put on by the La Mesa Merchant’s Association (www.lmvma.com) and is a yearly event.